Loss And Its Questions

When we lose someone we love, it has a way of making everything go still. Suddenly all the urgent to-do’s lose meaning, or at least their urgency. Our priorities quickly jump into strong alignment, and the one that jumps straight to the top with perfect clarity is how important it is to love the people entrusted to us as best we can while we have them. And then loss brings its questions.

The questions that often top the charts are, “Why?” Why this loved one? Why now? Why me? Why here or there? Why??

Those why’s were a little delayed for me. I think the shock was so think nothing else broke through for a while. But when the questions did come, I realized there’s a massive set of questions I wrestled with before the whys ever had a chance to bubble up.

Like what does this mean? And who I am now without this person in my life? How does this effect my relationship with God? Will I keep believing He is good? Will I keep praying or will I isolate, blame Him and run away from Him? Will I ever be the same as I was before I lost them? Will life go on? (And how dare it!) And if it does go on, how will I go along too? Will I live again?

And then they go even deeper. What am I doing with my life? Is this where I’m supposed to be? Does what I do even matter? Should I being doing something more worthwhile? What are my callings and am I walking in them?

The questions of loss are so much more than just about the loss itself. They pierce our very identities and our faith and our relationship with God and people.

After too many losses, I started seeing that loss is an easy in for the enemy. That’s when he likes to swoop in with confusion and doubt and a storm cloud of anger and blame. When there’s loss, the enemy’s lies get loud and trauma likes to sneak in with the rest of the storm.

So in the middle of the questions, we are also battling an onslaught from the enemy, who plants a lot of these questions himself. Some of the questions are our own honest attempt to understand what just rocked our world. But with discernment, we can see that some of these questions have an accusatory tone, either condemning us or blaming God or trying to create isolation between the bereaved and anyone who would like to comfort them.

So even in our weakest and lowest and stillest, that place where the Valley of the Shadow of Death brings us to our knees… we still must be diligent to guard our thoughts and our minds in Christ Jesus. We still need to take authority over trauma and oppression. We still need to take thoughts captive like any rooted in disbelief, condemnation, or blame.

And we still have to decree what is truth. When questions swirl and foundations are rocked by sorrow and loss, we must, maybe more than ever, decree what is true. About who we are in Christ. Who we are on this earth and in the kingdom.

You are still a child of God. That is your truest identity. You still have a future and a hope. That’s the truest plan for your life. You are still deeply loved and never forsaken. That’s your truest state of being. These simple truths have power to anchor us even when incredible grief has shaken us. So hold on to them as you hold on to the Lord.

For more support on grief and sorrow, please grab a copy of When Mountains Crumble, wherever books are sold.