Wrestling match: When you don’t want to forgive

Forgiveness is a lot like wrestling. But you’re not really wrestling the person who hurt you. (Our battle is never against flesh and blood.) You’re really wrestling your own self. When you try to forgive someone who hurt you, you have to pin your own pride, self-righteousness, and need for retribution down to the mat.

wrestling for your freedom

And once you can offer forgiveness to the one who hurt you, do you know who gets set free? It’s you.

You get set free from your offender when you forgive them.

But here’s the thing. It’s not often that you win the wrestling match, offer forgiveness one time, and it’s over. Forgiveness is not usually a one and done.

Forgiveness is not just a wrestling match; it’s a wrestling tournament upon tournament until you win the championship.

You’ll know when you win the championship because there will be no bitterness, no sting, no pain left when the memory resurfaces. The forgiveness will be so complete that the memory won’t affect you.

forgiveness heals trauma

When I delivered my baby, the situation was so traumatic that I wondered if this is how people die in labor. I will spare you details, but long story short, the woman was let go of her position at the birth center because of her conduct with me. The additional and unnecessary suffering our family experienced by this woman’s neglect and choices caused so many ramifications on our small family who was only months away from another military move. I ended up with postpartum depression and things just kept going downhill.

The trauma from the delivery returned to me often. It affected our entire family. It haunted me. And every time those memories surfaced, I chose to forgive. My brain knew it was in the past, but my body felt like it was all happening all over again. That’s how trauma works. You get stuck reliving a loop. Your body thinks that the awful thing that happened to you in the past is happening to you all over again in real time… every time the memory comes back.

And so I chose to forgive her. By God’s power, I chose to forgive her. Whether I was in the shower, nursing, driving, walking, eating… whenever the memory bombarded me, I chose to forgive her all over again every time.

And you know what happened? Eventually, the memory lost its power over me. The thought of the labor stopped spinning me into a downward spiral. The memory of the woman didn’t cause my body to panic anymore. I think it took about a couple years until that one lost its grip on me. But eventually, I forgave until it was 10000% forgiven. And forgiving her actually set me free!

forgiveness heals injuries

I just heard a woman at my church last night tell her story of how a driver rammed into her car seven times and the only way to get her out was to pry her through the window of the crushed vehicle. Not knowing this, a visitor and faithful man of God gave a word of knowledge about how there was an accident ten years ago and it caused incredible suffering and he said, “God is healing that right now.”

The woman knew God was speaking right to her.

Her accident happened ten years ago. She had all kinds of metal plates and stints put in. She explained all the surgeries and suffering she’s endured ever since. The woman said that she decided to forgive the man that rammed into her seven times. She said, “I fully forgave that man tonight. I fully forgave him.” I have tears welling as I try to share her story… God healed her body! She was walking! She could bend over and touch her toes! And in tears and humility, she bent down, touched her toes, and showed us all the miracle that God just did in her life!

Forgiveness not only set her free from that man but it also healed her whole body!

tired of forgiving?

Every time a memory surfaces, we have to forgive the offense all over again. We have to wrestle our pride, self-righteousness, and need for retribution to the ground all over again. Forgive it once more.

But we grow weary and don’t want to offer infinite forgiveness. We can all relate to the weariness in Peter’s voice as he asks Jesus about this:

Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times will my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered him, “I say to you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven.

Matthew 18:21-22

Seven times seventy? What does that even mean?

Hebrew numbers have symbolic significance. Seven is the Hebrew symbol for completion. So what Jesus is saying could be translated as, “Don’t just forgive until it’s complete. Forgive until it’s completely, completely, completely, completely 10000% forgiven.”

Forgive until the memory doesn’t even ruffle you anymore.

Forgive until love and mercy flow out instead.

Forgive until you can show mercy instead of judgement.

Forgive until you can bless those who curse you.

next level forgiveness

Remember the mob that beat and hung Jesus to death?

Jesus took forgiveness a step further still. He didn’t just offer them his forgiveness. He didn’t say, “God, I’ll forgive them (thinking in his heart, so you can smite them.)” Be honest. Have you ever thought that before?

But Jesus? No way, Jose! Jesus also asked God to forgive those who mocked and slaughtered him.

In one of Jesus’s last excruciating breaths, beaten beyond likeness a human and nailed to a cross, He cried out to God, “Forgive them, Father. They don’t know what they are doing!” (Luke 23:34).

That is forgiving completely times completely. The abundantly exceedingly complete forgiveness of Jesus Christ.

Surprisingly, forgiveness is the number one human need. Giving it and receiving it. Forgiveness cuts the oppressive ties that keep you in bondage to the one who hurt you. Forgiveness sets you free. So practice those muscles today. Forgive everyone you can think of, and forgive yourself too. Sometimes, that’s the hardest to do.

when you need forgiven too

The woman who taught me how forgiveness works had to learn it the hardest way. When she was young, she had an abortion and then years of torment followed her. And she had to learn to forgive, even herself, over and over and over until it was complete. She’s a humble gracious woman of God.

The truths she taught me of forgiving over and and over were so immeasurably costly for her. And they have reaped 100 fold in my life. And now, may it reap healing and freedom in your life too.

Nothing we glean from a brother or sister in Christ came without cost. So I honor her today and her courage and her humility and her precious love of Jesus, the only one who can wash away our sins and make us pure and holy in God’s sight.

If you need that kind of forgiveness today, turn to Jesus. To help you do that, here’s my favorite story of turning to Jesus in the Bible along with a prayer to be saved, and here’s how I turned to Jesus too. You’re in good company.

All who call on the name of the Lord will be saved.

So practice your freedom today. Sever the cords of your oppression with every freeing blow of your forgiveness. This is how we live a life free from bitterness and resentment. This is how we live in freedom.

As always, leave any questions in the comments below. That’s what I’m here for.