The Lie that Grief Will Last Forever

Her anger surprised me. She acted like, “Who do you think you are writing a book on healing from grief when it’s been less than two years from your loss?” I was so stunned by her reaction that I didn’t offer much to the conversation. I think I said something dumb in my shock like, “Well, we’ve lost a lot of people in my family before.” As if that was like a resume for handling grief. You don’t get better at grieving the more people you lose. That’s for sure. In fact, compounding grief just makes it harder. With wisdom, thought, and hindsight, I wish I responded with a gentle reply… “May I ask you a question… Do you believe God can heal a broken heart?” I think that’s the core truth we need to wrestle with when we are dealing with the lie that grief will last forever.

First, this is a cultural lie that Western society has bought in to. People tell me all the time, “I’m so sorry for your loss. You’ll never heal from that.” Or “I know you’ll be grieving forever.” Honestly, I quickly and quietly whisper out loud that I rebuke that lie in Jesus name. I break off that curse in Jesus name. Because that’s what that is. It’s a lie and a curse. Many Christians have come into agreement with the lie that grief will last forever, that they will always be grieving.

Tell me. What did Jesus say He came to accomplish with the cross? Was it only forgiveness of sins? No, actually. He promised FREEEDOM. He promised to HEAL the sick, CAST OUT demons, give SIGHT to the blind, allow the lame to WALK, and to HEAL the brokenhearted.

If you believe that Jesus only did that while he was on earth or if you believe that Holy Spirit only worked in these ways for only 20 or 200 years after Jesus ascended… then you are believing that your god quit 2000 years ago. And what’s your god been doing ever since? Just sitting around uninterested in healing humanity for 2k years while all of broken humanity waits for Jesus to return? This kind of belief baffles me. It’s the opposite of faith. Its believing that god quit on humanity and has no power for thousands of years. I’ve seen too many Bonafide medically documented miracles to believe God quit. Jesus gave us His authority to do what He did… heal the sick, cast out demons, bind the brokenhearted.

So the core issue behind “will grief last forever” is not really about grief at all. It’s about how powerful is your God? Does your God still heal and set people free? Is He still active and attentive and involved in the lives of His children? Or did your god abandon his kids for a few thousand years? The Lord God Almighty was mighty to save in Bible times, and He is still mighty to save now because we are in the last days which is still Bible times. He still moves in Biblical proportions on this earth. Have you seen waters turning to blood? He said He’d do that. Have you seen earthquakes and wars and rumors of wars? He said this would happen. Have you seen people healed from diabetes, Celiac, colds, concussions, carpal tunnel, depression, PCOS, on and on and on? Yes. I have with my own eyes. And I have friends who have seen God heal AIDS and raise the dead back to life literally. So can God heal grief too? YES.

We live in a culture that believes and speaks death sentences over each other unknowingly. To tell a young woman that she will always grieve… that’s a death sentence. To tell a young child that they’ll always be grieving… that’s a curse. Because grief is heavy, it’s oppressive, it’s painful. Grief sucks the life out of your bones and the breath out of your chest. Grief suffocates all basic human functions… breathing, eating, laughing, sleeping. You learn to fight to exist when the heaviness of grief is on you. Is grief necessary? Yes. I don’t think you can live a healthy life after losing a close loved one if you don’t grieve. But in ancient times, grief had a timeline. It really did. You grieved, you processed, and community came around you in your time of sorrow. And then the sorrow ends.

Does it pop back every now and then in tears and longing. Of course. But active grief, the debilitating kind that wrecks your basic daily functions… that’s not meant to be the rest of your life. But so many Americans believe it’ll just always be this way.

My Jesus set me free from the heaviness of grief. He healed me. Do I still have a good cry now and then? Of course. But this is a totally different life than when I first lost my husband. And nobody can put a time stamp on God’s healing. Sometimes, God will come and offer healing from grief and we don’t want it. We want to hold on to the grief because we think it will help us hold on to the person we lost. And other times, God will come and offer to heal the heavy oppression of grief and we don’t believe He can really do it. We believe the culture more, that this will last forever.

So we are now down to the heart of the issue:

“Do you believe God can heal your broken heart?”

And if you can get there, then the next question you need to wrestle with is:

 “Do you want God to heal your broken heart?”

And if you can say yes to both these questions, this one might be tertiary but still seems important to address… “Do you believe there’s a time requirement to your grieving?” The woman who was so angry had been grieving 12 years, and was still actively grieving. Here I was, 2 years out and through all kinds of additional trauma, walking in and offering healing and wholeness. We can only offer others what God first gave us. And God had healed my broken heart.

And I had a powerful moment with Holy Spirit where a woman prayed for me and she sent grief far way in the name of Jesus and by His power and authority. And I remember asking God, “Is that allowed? Like can we really cast off this heaviness of grief?” And it felt awkward and I didn’t know if it was allowed but I want everything God has for me. So I agreed with her in prayer like stepping out of the boat on to water, not knowing what was going to happen. And you know what? Everything changed. I saw everything differently. The heaviness was gone.

Did I still miss and long for my late husband? Yes. Did I still wish he could be here to dance with me and the girls? Yes. Do I still need more layers of healing a broken heart? Sure, we all do. But did the grief of losing Dan crush my physical body anymore? Nope. And did the grief of losing him consume my every thought anymore? Nope. No, it didn’t. The heaviness was gone, and I was lifted and could breathe again. I could eat again. Most importantly, I could hope again.

But if I had believed God can heal me, that God wants to heal me, but stopped short with a limiting belief that I had to grieve a certain length of time (like doing time in jail!), then I think I wouldn’t have been able to partner with the power of Holy Spirit to bring healing from grief that day.

You see, Jesus can only do miracles where there is faith. And that’s why it is crucial that we do deep dives into our thought-life like we’re doing today. We don’t want to partner with any unbelief in God’s ability and desire to heal. We want to be set free from every limiting belief so that we can see miracles. Even Jesus said He couldn’t do many miracles in a region because of their lack of faith. And it baffled him. So let’s do our darndest to cast out every cultural lie that says God can’t do it. And let’s partner instead with faith that God is who He says He is and that God can do what He says He will do. I want more of that in my life! How about you?

May His kingdom come and will be done in your life today.