The Backyard Doodle and Freedom in Christ

It got so bad that I melted down when I was unsure if God would “allow me” to bring my water bottle to class across campus or not. Somehow, I fell deep into legalism and didn’t yet know it. All I knew is that I related to God like he was in total control of my every move, and I created a fictitious way of interacting with God, like he was a puppeteer. Even though I was so far gone in this oppressive way of approaching God, it took one story about my Pastor’s backyard growing up to begin shifting my entire life in Christ. I began to enjoy the freedom and adoption in Christ (instead of living in self-constructed prison bars of religion and legalism). Wahoo!

The Doodle

So I sat down with Pastor Kim. He was kind and fatherly, a real comfort since I was on the other side of the country from home in my first year of college. I don’t even remember what I asked him, but he was so good to listen to all my voracious questions about faith and theology. I had just given my life to the Lord fully and was ravenous to learn more about God’s ways. So I asked Pastor Kim questions, week after week, and he patiently and thoroughly helped me understand more about the Bible and the kingdom of God. But that week, when he showed me the backyard doodle. It changed my life in Christ forever.

The Fence

I may have even told him about the water bottle incident. But Pastor Kim began to tell me about his backyard when he was a kid. He doodled a rectangle yard with a fence and sketched in where his mom would do dishes at the sink and look in the yard to watch out for him. He explained that anything within the fence was good and safe. The fence was like God’s laws, how those are boundary lines to take care of us in safety. Outside those bounds and entering into sinful ways, we leave the protection of God’s laws. But within the boundaries, there is incredible freedom.

The Yard

Within the fenced backyard, he drew a slide and a sandpit. Knowing how much I loved art, he added a camera and a sketch book too. He asked me if I thought his mom needed or even wanted to be in control of everything he played and at what time. I was kind of puzzled. No, probably not. So did he have freedom to choose whether he played with the camera or go down the slide? Yes, I suppose he did. Did it bother his mom if he did that in a particular order or not? Probably not.

He explained that his mom was happy to see her son growing, learning, playing, experimenting. Going from toy to toy, activity to activity. Using his imagination and creativity however he pleased. This brought joy to his mom.

Freedom!

It makes me want to cry thinking about how wrongly I understood God before that conversation. Before that, I lived my life on pins and needles, always afraid I would make a wrong decision with my actions or time. I was afraid I would mess the whole thing up.

[Read here about “The Water Bottle: Legalism vs Freedom in Christ” for that backstory, especially if you can relate to this so far. Also read “Is God really in Control?” if you need free from this type of thinking.]

Essentially, I was living in an imaginary religious prison. When my reality was all this freedom I had in Christ! And I had the safety of God’s laws as my boundaries. And I had all of my Father’s love, cheering for me, encouraging me, rooting me on, excited for what I’d learn next.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1

Safety Net

That backyard doodle sank in more and more over time. I began to practice freedom in Christ more and more. I began to brave trying new things, mostly braving trusting my own heart and free will. But as soon as I felt a cautious nudge (which was seldom), then I didn’t turn down that path.

Sometimes I it was straight up temptation to sin. Less often, it was a little check in my spirit to not engage further in a friendship that didn’t sit well. Other times, it was walking down a certain street that didn’t feel safe even though I couldn’t figure out why. These instances didn’t happen often, but I learned that I have a ton of freedom to enjoy my life, I have a ton of freedom to love and serve others however I see fit. And it gave me a deeper appreciation for how God’s commandments are like a safety net around our lives, that fence around the yard.

Identity in Christ

It also helped shake off that oppressive religious lie that I needed to earn God’s adoration. The more I stepped into freedom, the more I realized He really does delight in me, just for me, and not for all my good works or religious hoop-jumping. The more I grew into my identity as a daughter of God, the more my body relaxed, my calendar relaxed, and peace increased. And amazingly, the more we step into our freedom in Christ, the easier it is to actually become like Him. And it’s a joy! (Instead of striving and earning and working so hard to be like him. Bleh. That’s exhausting.)

Who could have ever guessed the life-changing power of a listening ear, some compassion, and a doodle of a childhood backyard! Truly, life-changing. Set me on a totally different course. With big gator tears in my eyes as I write this, thank you, Pastor Kim.