Come to Jesus: 17 years old, 24-hour solo in mountains

Alarm Clock Idol

At age 17, my grades were my god. I worshipped my resume and the chance to go far far away to college.

Tennis. Yearbook. Soup kitchen. Restorative Justice. Volleyball. Straight As. The list goes on. By the time I finished extracurriculars, the sun had gone down. Then I began writing papers and studying for exams. I’d go until 2 or 3am. If I hadn’t finished yet, I’d set my alarm for 530am and work on school some more.

I worked myself to the bone.

Glory Stories in the Mountains

Youth group was the one place where I could retreat. No one else went to my high school, and it gave me freedom to let my guard down.

Our youth group leader was legendary. Tom’d take us rock climbing near the Flatirons, on mission trips to ranchitos in Mexico, water skiiing, tubing on frozen mountain lakes, snowshoeing, and more.

He gave us glory stories.

That summer, Tom took us on a week-long back packing trip through the San Juan Mountains.

We braved high ropes courses, summited Red Cloud, hacky sacked in hiking boots, learned how to dig a BIFF (a bathroom in the forest floor), and washed each other’s feet with river water and our tears.

Our motley crew was led by Tom and 3 guides: Jill, Corrie, and Jonathan who was sweet on Corrie. (My sister and I went to their wedding years later! And I could never imagine at age 17 how these guides would re-enter my life on the very day my husband died, a lifetime later. More on that another day.)

Jonathan would ask us questions like, “Oceans or lakes? Mountains or prairie? Fish or steak?” The list went on as we watched our steps over riverbed pebbles, pinecone-lined trails, over hills and valleys, gaining altitude all the while. I loved being asked questions. They were more of a gift than he could imagine.

Come to Jesus

Part of the trek was a 24-hour solo. For 24 hours, we were left to our own thoughts, a Nalgene, and our sleeping bag. Not even a tent or mosquito net. But they did bring us a scoop of beans and a handful of Fritos for dinner.

I cleared the rocks and pinecones and twigs for a place to lay out the sleeping bag. And before I went to sleep that night, I had a come to Jesus moment.

My earliest memory is praying to God, around age two. But believing in God is different than surrendering your life to Him.

The sun was setting, and all I could think of was the future. What would it really be like to be on my own, far far away at college?

It became starkly clear that I couldn’t do that alone. And even if I could, I didn’t want to.

My prayer was so simple but it changed everything—

Jesus, I’ve believed in you my whole life.

But now I need you to be Lord of my life.

I surrender all to you,

and I need you to be my everything.

Jesus vs. The Alarm Clock

And that’s the story of the first day I really gave my life to Jesus. My first testimony, but not my only!

Until that point in my life, if my grades were my god, my alarm clock was my master. Long over-achieving days and nights, cracking the whip to start me all over again early the next morning.

So even though I’d just given my whole everything to Jesus, and even though I was just sitting in the mountains with no to-do list at all… serving the alarm clock was so ingrained in me that I wondered how I would wake up in the morning.

I reasoned, “Jesus, if you’re going to be my everything, I need you to be my alarm clock too.” The sun had now set. The earth and air chilled off fast, so I curled up in my sleeping bag with the sack sinched tight around my ears.

I fell asleep trusting He’d wake me when I needed to. That was big for me back then! I didn’t live for my grades anymore and scarcely checked them. They had no control over me anymore. I still excelled in school, but it came from a totally different place in my soul. Excelling came from an overflow, not from a striving.

The Lord showed me who I am is more important that what I accomplish. I began to devour God’s Word, and He began to chip away at the Before Christ version of Danita who tried to earn His love. He transformed me into a more trusting secure Danita whose identity is fully in Christ.

Mostly, He slowly changed my relationship with God from slave/master to Father and Friend.