Fight for White Space on Your Calendar (Especially in Chronic Illness or Grief)

Before I experienced true freedom in Christ, I had every minute of my day scheduled, down to 15-minute increments. And I stuck to it. Honestly, this was oppressive. I thought it would help me. But my calendar was no longer a tool that served me. Instead, I became in bondage to it. The Lord set me free from this so drastically that people who know me now probably can’t even imagine me living life that way. It’s laughable, actually! I can still manage a schedule, but now it serves me well. And part of managing that schedule to fight for white space.

What is “White Space”?

“White space” is actually a term used in graphic design. Like when we work on a spreadsheet, book cover, or a magazine layout, we want to be aware of the white space. It’s important to balance blank spaces so our eyes can visually focus on what matters. Too much clutter actually causes a feeling of overwhelm and chaos. And all this applies to our schedules and calendars as well.

In Grief and Chronic Illness:

I don’t plan many things for one day. God remembers we are made from dust, and years of chronic illness and then the way grief slows you down have required me to learn I can’t plan too many outings back-to-back. It’s not good for me.

Grief (of every kind, a move, a divorce, a death of loved one, a job loss) and chronic illness have a way of stopping the bustle of life, and highlighting what matters most. Loving the people God’s given you as best you can quickly come to the top of your list. Suddenly, nothing else on the list matters as much as it once did. We learn to love well today. And we let that be enough.

As a former Type-A energizer bunny type, I can tell you that continuing to live that lifestyle just isn’t an option if you struggle with health. It’s also not an option if you’re under the heaviness of grief or if you’re suddenly in an isolating season where you don’t have a high functioning spouse and involved community to lean on. This is good and well and we thank God for those seasons! We were created to live in this type of healthy loving relationships and we were designed to live in health. And grief and death and loss were never part of God’s original plan in creation.

So we ask God to teach us to count our days, make the days count, and understand how quick it all goes so we can spend it wisely:

“Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.”

Psalm 90:12

God Will Fill the Gaps:

But in this broken world, if you’re grieving or still praying for your miracle or still seeking Godly relationship and community, if that’s not you in this season, trust in the Lord to make up for the gaps. And the worst thing you can do is rob the joy available to you by comparing yourself to others who are healthy and whole and surrounded and comparing your limited capacities to what others can accomplish in a day. It’s ok to say these are my limits, and that’s just all I can do. It’s like giving God your loaves and fishes. Just offer Him what you can and say, “Lord, I depend on your strength to make up for my lack and weakness.” And He will. He will do this abundantly.

Honestly, being tethered to the Lord like this is a humble and powerful way to live, even though it may not be comfortable. Desperate dependence on God to get you through every minute of the day forges your soul like iron. It will quickly wage war on any pride and self-reliance you may not even know you had. And that’s good. And it’s ok. Because I know you’ll make it. You’ll come out of this fire and you won’t smell like smoke.

Plan Recovery Days:

I’ve learned to look ahead when I’m scheduling. Meaning, if I have a big grief milestone, I will make sure to not commit to anything on the calendar in the next couple days after. Because, usually, there’s an emotional fallout. So I give my body and emotions a chance to recover by essentially scheduling recovery time. I don’t call it that on the calendar. I just keep those days open.

Make Room for Others:

I also fight for white space on my calendar because I’ve learned that days will fill themselves up. So if I’m not overscheduled, then I have given myself time to go on that surprise walk with my widowed neighbor. Who I love. If I’m not overscheduled, then I can find the space to make a meal (or at least pick something up) for a friend whose hurting. Who I love. If I don’t have to rush off to the next thing, then I can just linger at church or an outing or the park while my kids play with their friends. Who I love.

I really hate seasons where things are back-to-back, like when moving or when doctors appointments or military administration calls suck up all my brainpower and free time. It makes it hard to care for others when we’re just hanging on ourselves. And there’s grace for that too.

But when we make the choice to overschedule busy and bustle and “good things”, it’s really hard to get slow enough and quiet enough to even check in with God to see if what we are spending  our time on is what matters most in light of eternity. I can’t remember how many moms have told me that their kids were in tears crying about their ball games and activities and all the events, crying in tears and begging for downtime. Our bodies are crying out for downtime just like our children, but we are too busy to even listen to those cries.

Fight for White Space:

So I plead with you, America, to fight for white space. Our people, in all our advances and technology and efficiency, we aren’t happier than we were before. In fact, I’ve heard that we are one of the most depressed and unhealthy nations on the planet. It’s not for lack of healthcare or money or efficiency. It’s for lack of community and friendship and rest. And all the busy busy bustle is robbing everyone from the community we really need for health and vitality and mental stability.

So fight for blank spaces on your calendar. Because in doing so, you make yourself available to what matters most… reading a story to your little one, chatting with a neighbor at the fence, the healing and rewarding slow pace of baking, walking with a friend. Getting to bed at night. I know I’m not alone in saying that these are what we really want.