On Our Knees: The vulnerability and security of the prayer closet

A few days ago, we read Psalm 91 before bed. That same night, I woke up in the night and sat in my prayer closet on my knees. I came across two more stories of Psalm 91!

under God’s wings

One Psalm 91 story was from when Dan and I went to a prayer conference and the insightful notes I took from our guest speaker. Find it here.

The other Psalm 91 story was from when I was reading Psalm 91 and then took a break to pack up my clothes in boxes for our upcoming move. A huge heavy box fell from the top shelf right on my back as I was kneeling down on the closet floor. Then my husband showed me a picture of what it’s like to be under God’s wings. If you missed it, read the full story here.

when crushing comes

Today, I think more on that memory from when the box fell on me in the closet. The moment when Dan wrapped me up physically and in prayer.

With hindsight, I realize now that it all happened just a week before we moved to Colorado and less than two months before we lost Dan. We were packing up for our last cross-country military move of his career. We were expectant of good things and a new life together.

As much as that box tried to crush me in my prayer closet, we had no idea the true crushing that would come only weeks later after losing my husband suddenly in the mountains. The way I would agonize in a little Colorado apartment closet floor. Truly alone this time. Where Jesus was the only one I could turn to. Where He became my only refuge on earth, my only protection, my only shelter.

the vulnerable position of prayer

As I ponder that memory, I notice that the box fell on me where I was most vulnerable, on my back and nearly my neck and head too. And it fell on me when I was on my knees. I cannot tell you the amount of hours I spent on my knees in that same position in that very spot on that closet floor. The tears and prayers and hours in the Word on that same spot.

When we pray and cry out to the Lord, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. It’s a physical and emotionally vulnerable position. Being on your knees is probably the least effective position to be in when it comes to self-defense. A position where we can’t run away or fight back if physically attacked. And maybe that’s why “on our knees” has become a symbol for prayer. Because in prayer, we relinquish the fight to God, trusting that the battle belongs to the Lord.

We are most vulnerable on our knees, and somehow, that’s the place where God becomes our greatest shield, protection, strength, and covering over us. Truly, when I am weak, He is strong.

prayer as our shield

When the box crushed me, my husband physically covered over me like a picture of God’s covering and prayer protection. But the ground below me was also a saturated well of prayers and faith and history with God. All the hours I spent in prayer on my knees on that same spot on the carpet. It’s like I had the anointing of both my husband over me and the anointing tears woven into the carpet below me. So my prayer covering came from every side, above and below. And my healing came swiftly.

When we are in the most vulnerable position before the Lord, the Almighty God becomes a shield around us. We wage our strongest battles on our knees.

security in the shadow

Just a couple months after that box attempted to crush me, I was uprooted into a new place of crushing when my husband died suddenly. A new town. A new closet. And a new territory called The Valley of the Shadow of Death. In this new place, I had no earthly picture of prayer covering over me, no laying on of hands, and no earthly history of wells of prayer dug below me in that new place. I had to break new ground in a temporary apartment closet. And I did so with groaning and with tears.

But the gracious thing about God is that when He transplants us, He moves some of the old earth and soil with us. To nourish us. So we don’t go into total shock.

That was when the history I had cultivated with God became the only minerals and manna I survived on for years to come.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

Psalm 91:1

As we walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, we can find our security and refuge in the Shadow of the Almighty.

take refuge

So as we wrap up this recent series on Psalm 91, I’ll close with my notes from just a few weeks before I lost Dan:

“Read Psalm 91 today. Dwell in His shadow. Take refuge in Him.”

No matter how devastating the storm, those are words we can live by. Tuck in close and draw near to God who is your refuge in times of trouble. Because that’s how close we have to be to dwell in someone’s shadow.